Let me get vulnerable for a moment. Some time ago, when I was younger, I dated someone that didn’t like me. Sounds weird, I know.
This person didn’t want to date me but someone like me. I was kind, emotionally available, and a more mature individual. I was different from other people they dated in the past. And they liked that.
But they also weren’t particularly attracted to me. They thought I was good enough to date me, and that’s it.
It didn’t work out. Colour me surprised.
I am not getting too deep into it, because a lot could be analysed. But let’s say they appreciated my good qualities and weren’t attracted to me at the same time. The person they wanted to be liked me, but the person they were didn’t.
And you may be thinking “Kudos for saying that, for spilling”. But let me get to my point.
This happens in all types of relationships, including professional ones.
A company’s hiring process would include questions about software architecture or system design, but then the work for the position would be far from that.
A hiring manager would post about how attitude is more important than experience, and then discard any applicant without years of experience in a given language or tool.
In most cases, it’s a problem similar to the one I had dating: they want to be the hiring manager or company that does these things, but they aren’t yet.
This causes a lot of confusion and frustration. But more often than not, these things can be discovered in the process by having an honest discussion, if we get to the point of having an interview or, at least, a conversation.
Because of this, networking is very important. Talking to someone casually makes it easier to have candid conversations where motivations, aspirations and wishes can come up organically. Interviews, on the other hand, can feel like playing poker because we are trying to know the other person’s cards without showing ours.
I suck at poker. But I do fine in conversation. So it works for me, depending on the context.