This year I attended my first WordCamp Europe. Which was also my first WordCamp, and my first conference as a developer.
It was overall a very positive experience, that I also got to share with Núria Ramoneda, a well-known member of the WordPress community who introduced me to dozens of awesome people.
At one point I felt otherised, which is also the first time for me.
I have experienced direct aggression in the past, and otherness is something I was able to conclude after the fact on some occasions. But I did not anticipate that I would feel something like that and be aware when it is happening.
WordCamp as an event and WordPress as an organisation make a deliberate effort to be inclusive. I am not trying to call them out. And there was not any attempt by any individual to make me feel unwelcome or uncomfortable.
But in a social event, I had an increasing feeling of uneasiness. It felt like everyone else was so similar in a way I am not, that I did not belong.
I have been very reluctant to share this, even with my social circle. It sounds silly coming from someone who is queer but is not usually immediately perceived as such — which most of the time makes things way easier than the opposite.
I am still conflicted about posting this. Part of me wants to spread awareness, and part of me still wants it to just fly under the radar.
Dismissing one’s own experience, like inadequacy, are not uncommon among queer people. It is not our fault, and we can not solve it on our own. Still, when we point to the problem people usually just look at our finger or the other way.